Oh Frida!

Morgan is growing like a weed. She is now somewhere around the 14 pound mark, I think. She is 5 months old and already has a tooth and is very nearly crawling. Time is flying.

Last week she had yet another cold. I kept trying to aspirate her nose with one of those rubber bulb syringes from my baby care kit.

 If you’ve used one of these, you know that babies hate them. At least my babies do. My girls turn away whenever I try to use it, and usually the whole ordeal ends with a lot of crying and me giving up. Since Morgan was hospitalized at an early age, I learned the importance of keeping her nose as clear as possible when she’s got a cold. But the bulb syringe has been difficult.

 

Enter solution: NoseFrida! a.k.a The Snotsucker Nasal Aspirator.

Before you use it, you have to get over the concept… or to be frank, the possibility that you might end up sucking up some of your baby’s snot. But really, it’s pretty unlikely. This thing was designed in Sweden and is way more effective than a bulb syringe, and they say even more powerful than the commercial suction machines because it’s powered by a stronger sucker–the human lungs! Yes, you have to suck the snot out yourself. But don’t panic, it’s totally hygenic with filters and a very long tube so you’re not going to get anything in your mouth… although I guess in theory you could. Anyway, with this I was actually able to clear out Morgan’s mucus so that both she and I could get some rest at night when her cold was at its worst. Go to the website, think about it. My older daughter didn’t learn to blow her nose until she was over the age of 2, and kids get a LOT of colds. This is going to be one handy device for the next 18 months!

sleep training

Morgan got a present for her 4 month birthday, I taught her how to put herself to sleep!

Before you all get up in arms about the ‘cry it out’ method and how cruel it is, let me first say everyone’s got to what’s right for them. If you want to soothe your baby to sleep til he/she is a year old… or more, go for it. I simply can’t. I’d lose my mind.

There was this wonderful phase when Morgan was just two months old and she basically slept through the night for about a month. I blogged about it here  It made me think things would just improve from there on out, and I’d never have to worry about “training” her to sleep. And for the zillionth time since I became a mom I was SO WRONG.

We all got colds shortly after that post and so naturally she slept less and needed me more… and I went. And she became accustomed to the comfort of mom & nursing every few hours.

I lasted six weeks before I hit the wall. And by that I mean I could not take the sleep loss for A.SINGLE.SECOND.LONGER. So, that day I dug up a website link that I’d used three years ago when Maya was about the same age. I re-read the 200 page book in about 3 hours of sleep deprived mania. I immediately, and I mean at the very next nap that Morgan took, decided to implement the approach recommended by the author. It worked so effectively I could hardly believe it. What had I been waiting for?

So the online book I read is called “The Sleep Sense Program” by Dana Obleman, and it explains (with specific strategies) how to train your child to soothe him/herself to sleep starting at 3 months or older. It’s largely based on the philosophy put forth by Weissbluth in his book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It has very specific strategies and it does involve letting your baby cry, sorry to those of you who are offended by this. That said, I’m one of the lucky ones because Morgan never cried for more than 10 minutes. Really the max was 7, I think.

And after 3 nights, we’re golden. She HAD been waking up every 2 hours (and I was losing my mind).  The first night of ‘The Sleep Sense Program’, she slept 4 hours, then 3 hours, then another 3 and then another 3–a vast improvement. Not only that, she started taking longer naps during the day. The next night it was 5 hours and then 3 and 3. Last night it was 6 and then almost 4 more, plus long naps again. Each time she woke to nurse and went right back to sleep after I put her in bed again. I’m also getting her to bed at the same time as Maya-bonus: my husband and I actually get some time alone together in the evenings again.

So, do what’s right for you. But if you’re struggling and sleep deprived and don’t know what else to do, I urge you to try this program because it could really work. Trust me, there’s much more to it than plunking your kid in her crib and leaving her to cry. There’s a method, a system. And if you are a sleep starved mother, you could regain your sanity!

freedom pump

Finally, my new baby girl is sleeping more at night. It seems I get at least 5 hours, and often 7 or more hours of sleep each night… that’s IN A ROW–amazing! This has been consistent for almost 3 weeks now, so I feel safe to say it without worrying that she’s going to completely regress. Sleep makes me feel human and when she sleeps from 10pm til 4am, I am generally exploding with milk. So, this is the time to pump, and when I do I can sometimes get a full 5 oz bottle–halleluyah!

The only trade-off is that I must choose to stay awake at 4am. This is hard, because after 6 hours of rest I’m at the peak of fatigue, craving a few more hours of rest. And this is when I must choose between going back to bed and having some time to myself later on. If there’s pumped milk on hand my husband can feed Morgan and I can go to the gym, the grocery store, or pretty much anywhere for more than an hour. The freedom is thrilling. Some of you might think it pathetic to be thrilled to go to the grocery store alone… I’m guessing those people have never breast fed a newborn. Sometimes I choose sleep in the wee hours of the morning, but I usually regret that choice. Trade-offs… life is full of ‘em.

When I pump a bottle of milk, I marvel at this incredible substance. It’s weird as hell that my body manufactures this stuff and that it’s the ONLY thing Morgan consumes, and she has nearly doubled her body weight since birth! She’s learning, growing and thriving from this and this alone. Not only that, she LOVES her monotonous diet of milk, milk and more milk over and above all else.

I need to take a moment here just to say: nature is incredible!

the night

She’s fussing. Tired. I wrap her up in a warm blanket, cradle her against me & begin to rock.

I pace the house. Bouncing. Count my steps to pass the time. Hear her frantically sucking the soother. I’m willing her to fall sleep, so that I can sleep. Aching arms, rocking & bouncing.

Milk drunk hiccups.

She calms down, starts to settle so I try the rocking chair. Counting again, one hundred rocks aren’t enough. Maybe another hundred…

At long last, she lets go and relaxes against me. She’s out.

I look down at her through the darkness.

Angel face.

Don’t want to put her in her bed anymore. Linger a little longer holding her tight.

Finally, my own fatigue gets the better of me. I put her down.

Crawl into my own bed for as long as she will allow.

it’s official

Since my last post about sleep, or the lack thereof, things have gotten better in some ways and worse in others.

The better part: baby seems to be stretching out her sleeps on occasion, giving me the odd 4 or 5 hour stretch (of course this is usually in the early part of the evening when I am awake thinking she’s going to wake up to nurse one more time before bed!) which gives me hope that she’s going to sleep through the night one day. She also seems to stay asleep most of the night simply waking up to nurse (while tucked in beside me in bed) and then falling back asleep without needing to be burped or rocked or anything (don’t get me wrong I’m still up every 3 hours to nurse and I’m still sleep deprived, just a little less so)…. what’s that universe? Your going to make me eat my words? Undoubtedly I’ve taunted you just by mentioning this out loud!

The worse part: Maya has officially quit napping. It’s not that she doesn’t need to nap, but she’s decided that she doesn’t want to. That said, she is managing through her wakeful afternoons with relative ease, usually having only one major meltdown and needing a single screaming & crying time-out to recover. Ah yes, the joy our children bring us!

At first I was in denial that she was done napping, and then I mourned the loss of the nap a little, because it was also MY nap. Are these the stages of grieving? If they are I’m now accepting the reality of no nap and appreciating the fact that there is actually an upside to no nap. I can now plan stuff in the afternoons, including play dates with other friends whose children don’t nap, and I can run errands of all kinds. It is nice NOT to be stranded at home. And anyway, as soon as Morgan starts having regular naps and stops sleeping well on the go, I’m going to be stuck at home not once, but most likely twice a day, so I’m enjoying the freedom while it lasts.

Maya is mastering the art of whispering and I’m mastering the art of dozing in a sitting-up position on the sofa while Morgan nurses and Maya plays nearby. This scene just about tops my list of things I never saw coming.

Sleep deprivation, of course

My wonderful family has been so supportive in the weeks leading up to and following Morgan’s birth. My mom flew in from out of town for an entire month to help with Maya and my c-section recovery. She’s been amazing. I don’t know what I would have done without her. Then my dad came last weekend and did all kinds of fantastic handiwork for us, including helping us solve the mystery of the watery hardwood floors that appeared in our kitchen the day after I got home from three days in the pediatric ward of the hospital with Morgan. More on that craziness, later…

My in-laws also saved the day by taking care of Maya on Morgan’s birthday, after she’d been barfing all night long. Thank you Muriel & Tanya!

My parents left today.

Earlier this week I started to panic that my incision was still really hurting and I didn’t know how I’d take care of the baby and Maya while still feeling pain, and I knew my mom had to get on with her life and head home soon but I didn’t feel ready  (at least not physically) to tackle the baby rocking combined with chasing after Maya. So I went to the doctor to see if there was some reason why my incision was still bothering me. The doctor said everything was fine and that I just needed to take it easy. I cried when she said that. Mostly because I’m totally sleep deprived and because I want to be healed already. AND how the hell am I going to take it easy when I’m taking care of two kids under the age of 3?! I just felt that I needed physical help, but emotionally I thought I was fine. I may have been wrong.

So, on my first day alone with both girls I made a plan. I took Maya to a dance class. I was so proud of myself for getting there on time and managing with Morgan in a carrier through the whole thing. I thought this would tire Maya out for her nap and then we could all have a rest. It seemed great until after lunch when suddenly today Maya decided that she doesn’t want to nap. And I cannot tell you how Maya’s naps have been my saving grace! I want and NEED her to nap more than I could possibly articulate with words. Combined with Maya’s no nap decision was Morgan’s decision to finally go from “happy, placid, sleeps-a-lot baby” to “difficult & must-be-cuddled-or nursed-every-second baby”. WTF?!

Needless to say, I found myself on the verge of tears as Maya cried in her bed insisting she couldn’t sleep, and my arms and back began to ache from holding Morgan for so long. Not one of my prouder moments. I called my husband in tears explaining that I wouldn’t be able to make dinner tonight and I was at the end of my rope. I know I only have to manage the two kids 3 days per week on my own. But  I seriously don’t know how I’m going to do it. I thought planning activities and playdates would be enough. I was so wrong. So much is so unpredictable and Morgan is becoming more fussy and alert, as one would expect at four weeks.

Thank goodness Maya is off to daycare tomorrow. She needs it and I need it. Let’s remember how breastfeeding mothers never sleep for more than 3 hours at a stretch (well at least that’s the case for my babies) for many months. Hopefully the no nap thing is just a temporary glitch… Maya could be growing out of her naps. Oh man, I am going to be tired for a long, long, long time.

How do you do it?

Baby’s arrival is less than 48 hours away. It doesn’t seem real. Everyone keeps asking me, are you getting excited? And yes, I am excited, but I am so many more things than excited. I’m anxious. I’m tired. I’m scared out of my mind. I’m going to have a new baby on Friday! I’m having major surgery! We are becoming a family of four! Ahhh!

Sleep is getting harder and harder to come by, in part because of the aches and discomforts of the final trimester of pregnancy, but even more so because when I close my eyes my mind is so busy. I try to take deep breaths to quiet the ‘monkey mind’ (as my yoga instructor calls it), but I’m worried I’m going to forget about something important. I have lists everywhere, on my iPhone, on my computer, on zillions of little papers scattered about the house…

Yes, it’s true that I’ve been through this before, but that doesn’t make it all that much easier. I do hope that breast feeding will be easier this time, but I don’t know that it will be. I also know that there were some complications at the time of Maya’s birth and I don’t know if those same things will arise again… or what if something else happens. I know this is counter-productive thinking. But until I hold this little one in my arms, until I know that (s)he’s okay, I’m not going to feel settled.

No, we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl. Everyone around me says they think it’s going to be a boy, but I don’t have strong feelings either way. I’m not really intuitive about these things. And I can honestly say that I don’t have a preference. I love my little girl and would welcome another, but I’d also be thrilled to have the chance to raise a little boy.

Off I go to embark on this new journey and somehow try to juggle a toddler and a baby. Yes, lots of people do it… but I’m still totally freaked out! So, mom’s of two, give me your best advice… how do you do it?

 

fingers crossed

One thing I’m thankful for is that we still have our little monkey in full-time daycare (at least until the end of this month). This means if I get up and help get her out the door, my husband drops her off and I can rest for most of the day. But yesterday I got this call from her daycare providers saying she had a low grade fever and was acting tired and perhaps might be coming down with something. They didn’t think I needed to come get her, but they wanted to let me know what was happening so I could be prepared to get her if she got worse. Being at home I felt guilty, and thought to myself, “if she needs to rest and I’m home, I should pick her up”. It was tough to get out of bed and bring her home but she actually was pretty mellow and took a long nap which allowed me to do the same.

Then, lo and behold, I actually slept last night without having to take medication through the night (except my friend Mr. Gaviscon). I am attributing this new feeling of improvement to having made my grandmother’s homemade chicken soup yesterday… she calls it “Jewish penicillin”, and I think she’s on to something.

Maybe I’m going to kick this nasty illness after all and have some enjoyable relaxation time before baby arrives? Keeping my fingers crossed.

Long days, longer nights

So, I stopped working at the end of last week. It was a difficult decision, but one that I now know was nothing short of absolutely vital. I don’t want to turn this into a complaining blog, but I honestly have been in bed resting for most of the past five days and I’m still feeling like I’m being ripped to shreds by whatever it is that has gripped my body. Mostly, I think it’s a case of severe heart burn that is making me feel like my stomach is actually in my throat. I’m on medication, but this baby is resting high and seems to want to climb out my esophagus.

I had one night last week during which I seriously contemplated a trip to the ER, but thankfully found the phone number of a doctor who was on call (from my physician’s call group), and got some good advice to get me through without a trip to the hospital. Oh, and I learned that in your final weeks of pregnancy, if you’re having a serious problem, you’re supposed to go to the Labour and Delivery ward, NOT the Emergency Room–a bit of advice that I was pleased to hear, because there is little worse in our western world than the perils of sitting for hours in the ER surrounded by sickness & trauma and not getting the help you need.

Anyway, I have two and a half weeks until baby is scheduled to arrive. It seems like a long time to continue to bear this hacking cough that has left all the muscles around my upper back and ribs in some sort of permanent state of spasm. I’ll spare you the other details; they aren’t pretty.

My wonderful husband is really picking up the slack around the house, but I don’t want him to burn out as well. You see, I was suffering from a very similar illness in the weeks prior to Maya’s birth, and he got so run down taking care of me that he was in rough shape on the day of her birth… and the days that followed. And now there’s a lot more to deal with since we have a toddler in the mix this time.

Hopefully, my body can heal a bit with additional rest… but my doctor seems to think that it may just be that I have to get through it somehow. The days have suddenly become very long, the nights… much much longer.

nightmare mornings

All summer long, my little toddler hopped out of bed and ran to my bedroom no later than 7am. She was always bright-eyed and perky in the morning, feeling well-rested and energized. Then, I went back to work and she started daycare this week at a new facility. It’s wonderful. She loves it (even cried a few times when I came to take her home). The staff are amazing. But she’s in a room for 3-5 year olds, and she’s not turning 3 for a few more months. With this older cohort, naps are shorter, and the days are very stimulating. The result, she naps less, plays harder and is totally exhausted by the end of the day.

For the last two mornings, she has been totally unwilling to get out of bed. One morning involved a heavy screaming fit amid declarations that it was still ‘sleepy time’. Ordinarily, I would simply let her cry or sleep until she was ready to get up. But both my husband and I have to get to work on time. This means we had to physically pull her out of bed, get her out of her P.J.’s and dressed, all the while trying to be gentle and understanding while she kicked, hollered and tried desperately to climb back into bed. I have NEVER felt so guilty in my LIFE!!

This morning was a bit better, but she still insisted, “I haven’t had enough time in my bunk bed, Mom!”. Thankfully, a “wake-up” story in bed was all she needed to convince her to voluntarily emerge from her cozy bed at 6:30am. Poor kid!

Her daycare workers have said that she’s been practically falling asleep during lunch because she’s so wiped out.

Please tell me this is just an initial adjustment period? She’s just SO tired. It’s hard to watch.