sleep training

Morgan got a present for her 4 month birthday, I taught her how to put herself to sleep!

Before you all get up in arms about the ‘cry it out’ method and how cruel it is, let me first say everyone’s got to what’s right for them. If you want to soothe your baby to sleep til he/she is a year old… or more, go for it. I simply can’t. I’d lose my mind.

There was this wonderful phase when Morgan was just two months old and she basically slept through the night for about a month. I blogged about it here  It made me think things would just improve from there on out, and I’d never have to worry about “training” her to sleep. And for the zillionth time since I became a mom I was SO WRONG.

We all got colds shortly after that post and so naturally she slept less and needed me more… and I went. And she became accustomed to the comfort of mom & nursing every few hours.

I lasted six weeks before I hit the wall. And by that I mean I could not take the sleep loss for A.SINGLE.SECOND.LONGER. So, that day I dug up a website link that I’d used three years ago when Maya was about the same age. I re-read the 200 page book in about 3 hours of sleep deprived mania. I immediately, and I mean at the very next nap that Morgan took, decided to implement the approach recommended by the author. It worked so effectively I could hardly believe it. What had I been waiting for?

So the online book I read is called “The Sleep Sense Program” by Dana Obleman, and it explains (with specific strategies) how to train your child to soothe him/herself to sleep starting at 3 months or older. It’s largely based on the philosophy put forth by Weissbluth in his book Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child. It has very specific strategies and it does involve letting your baby cry, sorry to those of you who are offended by this. That said, I’m one of the lucky ones because Morgan never cried for more than 10 minutes. Really the max was 7, I think.

And after 3 nights, we’re golden. She HAD been waking up every 2 hours (and I was losing my mind).  The first night of ‘The Sleep Sense Program’, she slept 4 hours, then 3 hours, then another 3 and then another 3–a vast improvement. Not only that, she started taking longer naps during the day. The next night it was 5 hours and then 3 and 3. Last night it was 6 and then almost 4 more, plus long naps again. Each time she woke to nurse and went right back to sleep after I put her in bed again. I’m also getting her to bed at the same time as Maya-bonus: my husband and I actually get some time alone together in the evenings again.

So, do what’s right for you. But if you’re struggling and sleep deprived and don’t know what else to do, I urge you to try this program because it could really work. Trust me, there’s much more to it than plunking your kid in her crib and leaving her to cry. There’s a method, a system. And if you are a sleep starved mother, you could regain your sanity!

soother fingers thumb

Maya sucks her fingers. It’s a good thing because she can soothe herself and has been able to do so since she found those fingers at only a few months of age.

Maya at a few months of age

But her teeth are going to be atrocious if I can’t get her to stop. My dad sucked the same two fingers. My sister sucked hers obsessively, and she had a zillion dollars worth of dental work done to correct it (and her teeth are perfect now). Maya kind of wants to stop because she knows it’s a “big girl” thing to do… but she simply isn’t ready and still craves it. I’m working on it. Tips for helping her quit are welcome.

In the hope that Morgan wouldn’t follow in her sisters ‘finger sucking’ footsteps (and for numerous other reasons), I gave her a soother from the day she was born. I LOVE the soother. She’s not overly hooked on it and it saved my nipples from that dry, cracked, aching pain in the first weeks after she was born (I was tortured with Maya at the beginning). The soother helps people other than me calm her down and get her to sleep.  It’s so fantastic.

But this past week, Morgan has been pulling out her soother and trying eagerly to suck her thumb. In fact, she’s now practicing the thumb sucking every chance she gets.Determined to master it.

Morgan working on the thumb

I don’t think I can stop her… she’s as fixated on her thumb as her sister is on her other fingers. Whatever will I do?!

Bring on the dental bills.

Jinxed

I have clearly been too vocal about how well things were going. Right after my last post, Maya woke up with a terrible case of diarrhea. Honestly! I can’t believe it. Not only that, Morgan had been sleeping up to 8 hours a night and she went back down to 3 hour stretches last night. Maya who had been getting up at 6am slept until 8:30, but the baby woke up at 6:30–Murphy’s Law!

Maya’s newest stomach problems decided to begin at the exact time that her friend arrived for a play date, and right when the baby woke up screaming with gas pains. Maya’s anxiety over having “splat poo” as she calls it has been reborn, only much more intense this time, as she screamed hysterically that she wanted me to “make it stop” in between accidents because she couldn’t make it to the toilet on time, poor kid!

My gracious friend departed pretty quickly and I don’t blame her.  She’s 38 weeks pregnant and came with her little boy who is the same age as Maya. The morning was supposed to be a relaxing relief for her, instead she was holding my baby while I ran around helping Maya with her hysteria and clean-up. What a scene! Thank you, Universe, I am officially humbled… please forgive my hubris.

hippo candy

Sometime in December Maya got hit with a stomach bug. Not the barfing kind, but the other one, you know the ‘D-word’. She was pretty sick. Running to the toilet, having an accident in her pants in a public place (oh what fun!) and not really understanding what was going on. She even put herself to sleep for a nap when she got home… after she basically declared that she would never nap again. She was a bit freaked out by the whole thing. It passed quickly and we were all relieved.

Afterwards, I wanted to help speed her recovery so I purchased some intestinal flora for kids, you know little animal shaped vitamins with probiotics in them. The bottle had little hippos on it and Maya LOVED them. And why wouldn’t she? They taste like candy. She asked me why she was allowed to have these ‘candies’ every day, in fact twice a day without question. Afterall, I ration all her other sweets religiously. Naturally, she was perplexed by the free for all allowed by these magical ‘hippo candies’. So I explained that they would help give her “log poops” and could help prevent diarrhea.

Well somehow she got freaked out that she was going to have diarrhea every time she went to the bathroom unless she had the hippo candy in advance and she was having these anxiety attacks before every bowel movement, holding it in and frantically asking if she was going to have a healthy BM before every bathroom trip and double checking that she had taken her hippo candy. Poor kid,she became obsessed with the consistency of her poops! It was a bit of a scene. We worked hard to convince her that getting a stomach bug is actually rare, it doesn’t happen often.

Finally, after a month of more poo discussion than I ever thought I’d participate in, she is over it and has stopped asking me every day if she is going to have diarrhea and has stopped obsessing over her probiotics.

Convince me we’re normal here, what does your toddler obsess about?

cloth debate

When Maya was a baby I used cloth diapers for about 6 months. Then, we put our house up for sale and I had enough to deal with trying to keep the house immaculate for showings, and so I decided to use disposables… NEVER LOOKED BACK.

You see the switch made my life so much easier (yay!)… but it doubled our garbage (boo!). It’s kind of sickening, but I needed to do it.

Then, once daycare started, there was no choice, I had to continue with disposable diapers. I started out with Morgan using the beloved Pampers. They work so darn well! But my conscience is killing me so now, Morgan is 2 months old and I’m going to try to switch to cloth. I have all these cloth diapers from last time, it would be a shame not to use them. I used the old fashioned prefolds last time, but I also have some Mother-ease diapers that I’m excited to try out. Either way, I’ll save loads of money and garbage… as long as I can keep up with the laundry.

Wish me luck!

mall rats

The weather’s been super rainy here on the ‘wet coast’ and with two little kids, one of whom is a highly active 3-year-old, spending my days inside entertaining her while juggling the needs of my two month old isn’t exactly my idea of a good time.

We’re keeping busy by trying to organize playdates and go to activities like kindergym and gymnastics. Now that Maya isn’t napping in the afternoons, doing something in the morning isn’t really enough. The other day, I took her to a drop-in gymnastics lesson but couldn’t seem to find anyone available to play with her in the afternoon. So, without wanting to return home in the pouring (and I do mean POURING rain) I decided to brave the mall. I needed a few things and I thought at least Maya could play on those silly little kiddie rides, we can grab lunch at the food court, and there are lots of places to nurse the baby–not to mention the mecca of all toy stores for children: Toys ‘R Us.

Well, who knew that it would go SO well. I ended up wandering the mall with my two little ones for over 3 hours! There’s a part of me that thinks going to the mall for an afternoon is totally ridiculous and kind of terrible, especially since I’m from Calgary where going to the mall is the thing to do in the crummy, cold, snowy weather. I was so proud of our life here on Vancouver Island where we can be outside year round. We don’t have to get sucked into the capitalist ideology that shopping could make you happy–we live in a rainforest for goodness sake… but I give in, because Maya, Morgan and I had a fabulous time hanging out like ‘mall rats’ on a Thursday afternoon.

What do you do to keep your kiddos active on days when the weather keeps you indoors?

melding traditions

It’s the second night of Hannukah, and here’s a scene I never thought I’d have a picture of in MY kitchen:

We are trying to give our children a balance of our two backgrounds, mine being Jewish and my husband’s being a non-denominational somewhat Christian background. That is to say, he’s not into religion but his family has always celebrated Christmas. This is a difficult holiday for this Jewish girl to embrace, as it’s basically the ideological dividing point between Jews and Christians. I’m not very religious, but I do have a bit of guilt about celebrating Christmas. I was raised to understand that Jewish children just don’t celebrate Christmas, and I never felt left out. I actually felt special because we had this unique holiday that no one else did. I loved latkes and dreidles and not having to wait until Dec 25th to open my gifts, because Hannukah usually precedes Christmas. And, my great grandfather was a rabbi. And let’s face it, Jewish guilt comes naturally to me!

Either way, we are trying to emphasize Hannukah and Christmas on alternating years. This year it’s Christmas. So, I am lighting the candles and exposing Maya to the bracha (prayer/blessing) since she’s now old enough to say it. But really we’re engaging in all kinds of Western Christmas traditions like decorating the the tree, making gingerbread houses and of course educating our daughter about the whole Santa story. I don’t love it. In fact, I kind of dislike it. The whole holiday frenzy that everyone gets into, the consumerism that creates the obligation to buy buy buy, the pressure to get up a tree and lights and cook a huge dinner on this one day. Don’t get me wrong, the tree is nice and I love turkey dinners, but as an adult who doesn’t have any of the feelings of nostalgia for my own childhood Christmas joy (since there was no Christmas in our house), I tend to feel like it’s all a big hassle and very artificial.

Still, I want to do this for my husband and his family. Afterall, Christmas is as important to them as my traditions are to me. Embracing both backgrounds is difficult. Especially because I want Maya to see herself as a Jew and embrace her Jewish heritage as I have done, but how do I do that without discounting my husband’s background? I know I must support his traditions as much as mine, and I do. But it is hard… harder than I imagined it would be.

baby fat

I’m finally feeling recovered from my c-section. My recently dislocated shoulder is giving me a bit of grief–all the baby rocking and lifting Maya isn’t great for a shoulder that hasn’t fully healed. But aside from that I’m feeling like I really want to kick start the weight loss from what I gained during pregnancy and re-sculpt my body, because I used to be really fit! I love working out and I’ve missed it.

But when you’re stuck at home with two kids, what are you supposed to do? Well, my sister who is a personal trainer, boot camp instructor, and fitness guru, has directed me to the Bodyrock website. Okay, I know it’s kind of soft porn because of the hot girls with big boobs bouncing around (and I just lost all my male readers who are now watching Bodyrock TV…), but the workouts are actually excellent. The people on the site really know what they’re doing and the best part is that you can do all the workouts in your own home, and they’re pretty short which means I can squeeze them into my day. There are loads of archives to scroll through so that you can target the areas that you most want to work on. I watched a host of videos yesterday and then my dear sweet hubby let me go to the gym for an hour to get a quick workout in, and I put to work a lot of the stuff I’ve gleaned from the site. I don’t have much weight to lose after baby, but I have a LOT of re-toning to do as things got stretched out the 2nd time around in ways that I don’t even want to think about.

I know that I won’t have much time to exercise once my mat. leave is over, so I’m doing my best now to develop good eating and exercise habits that will put me in the kind of shape I want to be in when this blissful year of being a full-time mom is over!

it’s official

Since my last post about sleep, or the lack thereof, things have gotten better in some ways and worse in others.

The better part: baby seems to be stretching out her sleeps on occasion, giving me the odd 4 or 5 hour stretch (of course this is usually in the early part of the evening when I am awake thinking she’s going to wake up to nurse one more time before bed!) which gives me hope that she’s going to sleep through the night one day. She also seems to stay asleep most of the night simply waking up to nurse (while tucked in beside me in bed) and then falling back asleep without needing to be burped or rocked or anything (don’t get me wrong I’m still up every 3 hours to nurse and I’m still sleep deprived, just a little less so)…. what’s that universe? Your going to make me eat my words? Undoubtedly I’ve taunted you just by mentioning this out loud!

The worse part: Maya has officially quit napping. It’s not that she doesn’t need to nap, but she’s decided that she doesn’t want to. That said, she is managing through her wakeful afternoons with relative ease, usually having only one major meltdown and needing a single screaming & crying time-out to recover. Ah yes, the joy our children bring us!

At first I was in denial that she was done napping, and then I mourned the loss of the nap a little, because it was also MY nap. Are these the stages of grieving? If they are I’m now accepting the reality of no nap and appreciating the fact that there is actually an upside to no nap. I can now plan stuff in the afternoons, including play dates with other friends whose children don’t nap, and I can run errands of all kinds. It is nice NOT to be stranded at home. And anyway, as soon as Morgan starts having regular naps and stops sleeping well on the go, I’m going to be stuck at home not once, but most likely twice a day, so I’m enjoying the freedom while it lasts.

Maya is mastering the art of whispering and I’m mastering the art of dozing in a sitting-up position on the sofa while Morgan nurses and Maya plays nearby. This scene just about tops my list of things I never saw coming.

Sleep deprivation, of course

My wonderful family has been so supportive in the weeks leading up to and following Morgan’s birth. My mom flew in from out of town for an entire month to help with Maya and my c-section recovery. She’s been amazing. I don’t know what I would have done without her. Then my dad came last weekend and did all kinds of fantastic handiwork for us, including helping us solve the mystery of the watery hardwood floors that appeared in our kitchen the day after I got home from three days in the pediatric ward of the hospital with Morgan. More on that craziness, later…

My in-laws also saved the day by taking care of Maya on Morgan’s birthday, after she’d been barfing all night long. Thank you Muriel & Tanya!

My parents left today.

Earlier this week I started to panic that my incision was still really hurting and I didn’t know how I’d take care of the baby and Maya while still feeling pain, and I knew my mom had to get on with her life and head home soon but I didn’t feel ready  (at least not physically) to tackle the baby rocking combined with chasing after Maya. So I went to the doctor to see if there was some reason why my incision was still bothering me. The doctor said everything was fine and that I just needed to take it easy. I cried when she said that. Mostly because I’m totally sleep deprived and because I want to be healed already. AND how the hell am I going to take it easy when I’m taking care of two kids under the age of 3?! I just felt that I needed physical help, but emotionally I thought I was fine. I may have been wrong.

So, on my first day alone with both girls I made a plan. I took Maya to a dance class. I was so proud of myself for getting there on time and managing with Morgan in a carrier through the whole thing. I thought this would tire Maya out for her nap and then we could all have a rest. It seemed great until after lunch when suddenly today Maya decided that she doesn’t want to nap. And I cannot tell you how Maya’s naps have been my saving grace! I want and NEED her to nap more than I could possibly articulate with words. Combined with Maya’s no nap decision was Morgan’s decision to finally go from “happy, placid, sleeps-a-lot baby” to “difficult & must-be-cuddled-or nursed-every-second baby”. WTF?!

Needless to say, I found myself on the verge of tears as Maya cried in her bed insisting she couldn’t sleep, and my arms and back began to ache from holding Morgan for so long. Not one of my prouder moments. I called my husband in tears explaining that I wouldn’t be able to make dinner tonight and I was at the end of my rope. I know I only have to manage the two kids 3 days per week on my own. But  I seriously don’t know how I’m going to do it. I thought planning activities and playdates would be enough. I was so wrong. So much is so unpredictable and Morgan is becoming more fussy and alert, as one would expect at four weeks.

Thank goodness Maya is off to daycare tomorrow. She needs it and I need it. Let’s remember how breastfeeding mothers never sleep for more than 3 hours at a stretch (well at least that’s the case for my babies) for many months. Hopefully the no nap thing is just a temporary glitch… Maya could be growing out of her naps. Oh man, I am going to be tired for a long, long, long time.