Baby’s birthday eve

Well, I’d love to say things are going well and we’re all ready to go. But sadly this is not the case. Maya has a terrible stomach flu and has been vomiting nonstop for hours. My husband has some sort of other flu bug and I am going in for a c-section in less than 10 hours. This is the craziest night ever!

How do you do it?

Baby’s arrival is less than 48 hours away. It doesn’t seem real. Everyone keeps asking me, are you getting excited? And yes, I am excited, but I am so many more things than excited. I’m anxious. I’m tired. I’m scared out of my mind. I’m going to have a new baby on Friday! I’m having major surgery! We are becoming a family of four! Ahhh!

Sleep is getting harder and harder to come by, in part because of the aches and discomforts of the final trimester of pregnancy, but even more so because when I close my eyes my mind is so busy. I try to take deep breaths to quiet the ‘monkey mind’ (as my yoga instructor calls it), but I’m worried I’m going to forget about something important. I have lists everywhere, on my iPhone, on my computer, on zillions of little papers scattered about the house…

Yes, it’s true that I’ve been through this before, but that doesn’t make it all that much easier. I do hope that breast feeding will be easier this time, but I don’t know that it will be. I also know that there were some complications at the time of Maya’s birth and I don’t know if those same things will arise again… or what if something else happens. I know this is counter-productive thinking. But until I hold this little one in my arms, until I know that (s)he’s okay, I’m not going to feel settled.

No, we don’t know if it’s a boy or a girl. Everyone around me says they think it’s going to be a boy, but I don’t have strong feelings either way. I’m not really intuitive about these things. And I can honestly say that I don’t have a preference. I love my little girl and would welcome another, but I’d also be thrilled to have the chance to raise a little boy.

Off I go to embark on this new journey and somehow try to juggle a toddler and a baby. Yes, lots of people do it… but I’m still totally freaked out! So, mom’s of two, give me your best advice… how do you do it?

 

family photos

When I was about 33 weeks along, we hired Tracey Barry of Tracey Barry Photography to take some photos of the three of us, plus baby belly. We hadn’t really done professional family photos since Maya was first born. It was a terrible day, with clouds, wind and driving rain. We were just about to call off the shoot when the clouds parted and the sun appeared for one glorious hour. It was meant to be! And while I generally don’t love getting my picture taken, I’m quite happy with how these turned out.

Thank you, Tracey!

preparations

I’m not really a planner, at least not when it comes to big events like weddings and new babies. My husband and I were married on the beach with 17 of our closest family members. I didn’t even buy my dress until a few weeks before the wedding.

Lately, I have been to the homes of a few first time ‘to be’ moms, and they had their nurseries all made up with beautiful art on the walls, designer matching bedding & curtains–the works. I, on the other hand, didn’t even get a crib until a few days before my firstborn arrived. I didn’t really even buy clothes, since we didn’t know the baby’s gender. I just got a few sleepers to get me started and I figured we’d go shopping when he or she arrived. And it worked out just fine.

This time, I have some of the basics already like gender-neutral newborn clothes, a bassinet and even a crib. But I have done virtually nothing to prepare the baby’s room. In fact, we’re still using it as an extra TV/spare bedroom for guests and I’m in no rush to transform it into a nursery. Part of the reason for this is that we need the extra space for visitors (and we’ve had a lot lately, no doubt more will come when the baby arrives), and the other reason arises from a sort of superstitious part of me that doesn’t want to get “ready” until I hold a healthy baby in my arms (some of which comes from my Jewish background in which tradition states that you ought not to have a baby shower, or anything like it, until after the little one arrives safe & sound). I also know that last time I didn’t put the baby in her crib until she was at least 5 weeks old, so what’s the rush?

After telling this to someone, she recently remarked to me,  ”oh, so you’re not nesting”. I was kind of offended, like she was telling me that because I didn’t get everything “ready”, I was lacking some sort of maternal instinct. After thinking a bit about this, I came to the conclusion that I do, in fact, think I “nest” in my own way, by cleaning the house like crazy, by making lists of things to pack for the hospital, by asking my doctor a zillion questions about everything, and by sorting out my health care benefits for after baby arrives. I feel quite adequately maternal even though I don’t go crazy buying supplies for the baby.

What qualifies as “nesting” anyway?

fingers crossed

One thing I’m thankful for is that we still have our little monkey in full-time daycare (at least until the end of this month). This means if I get up and help get her out the door, my husband drops her off and I can rest for most of the day. But yesterday I got this call from her daycare providers saying she had a low grade fever and was acting tired and perhaps might be coming down with something. They didn’t think I needed to come get her, but they wanted to let me know what was happening so I could be prepared to get her if she got worse. Being at home I felt guilty, and thought to myself, “if she needs to rest and I’m home, I should pick her up”. It was tough to get out of bed and bring her home but she actually was pretty mellow and took a long nap which allowed me to do the same.

Then, lo and behold, I actually slept last night without having to take medication through the night (except my friend Mr. Gaviscon). I am attributing this new feeling of improvement to having made my grandmother’s homemade chicken soup yesterday… she calls it “Jewish penicillin”, and I think she’s on to something.

Maybe I’m going to kick this nasty illness after all and have some enjoyable relaxation time before baby arrives? Keeping my fingers crossed.

Long days, longer nights

So, I stopped working at the end of last week. It was a difficult decision, but one that I now know was nothing short of absolutely vital. I don’t want to turn this into a complaining blog, but I honestly have been in bed resting for most of the past five days and I’m still feeling like I’m being ripped to shreds by whatever it is that has gripped my body. Mostly, I think it’s a case of severe heart burn that is making me feel like my stomach is actually in my throat. I’m on medication, but this baby is resting high and seems to want to climb out my esophagus.

I had one night last week during which I seriously contemplated a trip to the ER, but thankfully found the phone number of a doctor who was on call (from my physician’s call group), and got some good advice to get me through without a trip to the hospital. Oh, and I learned that in your final weeks of pregnancy, if you’re having a serious problem, you’re supposed to go to the Labour and Delivery ward, NOT the Emergency Room–a bit of advice that I was pleased to hear, because there is little worse in our western world than the perils of sitting for hours in the ER surrounded by sickness & trauma and not getting the help you need.

Anyway, I have two and a half weeks until baby is scheduled to arrive. It seems like a long time to continue to bear this hacking cough that has left all the muscles around my upper back and ribs in some sort of permanent state of spasm. I’ll spare you the other details; they aren’t pretty.

My wonderful husband is really picking up the slack around the house, but I don’t want him to burn out as well. You see, I was suffering from a very similar illness in the weeks prior to Maya’s birth, and he got so run down taking care of me that he was in rough shape on the day of her birth… and the days that followed. And now there’s a lot more to deal with since we have a toddler in the mix this time.

Hopefully, my body can heal a bit with additional rest… but my doctor seems to think that it may just be that I have to get through it somehow. The days have suddenly become very long, the nights… much much longer.

hitting the wall

The last weeks of pregnancy are hard for anyone. Last time I was pregnant, I had a breech baby which meant I suffered through the intense pain of a head poking me in the diaphragm, causing terrible heartburn, and a brutal cough that caused stabbing pain. A few days ago, I was bragging about how much easier it is not to have a breech baby. I didn’t have that brutal pain in my diaphragm and the cough wasn’t nearly as bad, even though my heartburn was intense.

It seems I spoke too soon, because the cough has intensified (not sure if I’m sick or it’s just from the severe reflux/indigestion) and I am getting a hefty kick in the ribs every time the coughing resumes (this time from a foot instead of a head).

I am resting at home, but rapidly running out of sick time. The plan is for me to continue at work for 2 and a half more weeks, and baby is set to arrive via scheduled c-section a week after I stop work. But I’m starting to think that I need to rest before having major surgery. I can’t teach in the state I’m in and no amount of lying in bed seems to be helping. Off to the Dr. tomorrow to see what they can do.

Anyone know of a natural remedy to help with a terrible cough? Even hot tea with honey and lemon don’t seem to help, nor do throat lozenges or gargling with salt water… definitely feel like I’ve hit the wall and the universe is telling me it’s time to slow down.